Read shiyun's blog and decided that
i should write something as well.
What i can say is that
we all must learn to be stronger ,
learn to be tougher and learn to put in more effort
in the things we are going to do in the future.
Yes , it was really sad.
yes, it was a deep regret.
but i feel that things happen for a certain reason.
Things happen to make us improve and reflect.
I will do so , to make things i do in the future better.
Calm urself down and think ahead instead of the past.
Dont dwell on things or think of ur regrets.
cause they make u fall into a trap.
the trap of pessimisim and depress.
I don't wanna fall into those traps
so i think and look ahead
putting aside my regrets .
I know i have to do this so that i
does not affect other things in my life
If i dwell on this regret on the match,
so much so that it makes me moody, frustrated,
unable to concentrate on studies, duties
then i have failed to learn my lesson.
Right , i guess i should write some of my thoughts
and feelings about today's match.
Regrets.
That's the precise word to describe it.
I will not blame others for losing the match.
I will blame only on myself.
How i should have pushed my girls to train harder
last yr and this yr.
How i should have kept the morale up .
How i should have ran faster,
fast enough to get myself saved
when i was meant to be a sacrifice.
I feel that to me, the match is not straining
my body , but my mind.
I want to avoid playing a match.
Though i dont seemed like i am doing so.
Afraid, fear .
I am scared of losing , disappointment,
expectations, pressure... so much so that i..
sometimes hope that ...
hai nvm.
dont mind the last sentence.
hmm..
i shall talk abt something else.
The most memorable, no , impactful
part of the game was in the last inning.
When I am down at the batter's box.
Coach signalled for a bun .
I didnt want to do it.
Cause i feel that probably hitting can bring
back maxine from the second base to home..
but that's coach's instruction.
I have to obey.
So i went to concentrate only on bunting.
When the ball impacted the bat.
I ran , with concentration on the first base.
I ran with all my might.
I HATE how i couldn't run faster,
I HATE how i couldnt bun nicely...
Lots of emotions just swell up on me before
i even touch the base.
I knew i wouldn't make it safe at first base
but i didnt care, i ran with might.
Even though i knew i would be out,
i knew i was meant to be a sacrifice,
but i knew at the same time
just how important is one out at the inning.
those feelings gushed out
and i felt like crying .
but i held it totally in.
I tried to hold on to the remaining
faith i have for u girls.
When match ended and we offically
couldnt make it to top 4 ,
I knew i should not cry
for if i did.
I believe others will do the same.
I want you all to know,
that we have to accept the lost.
Accept it like a man. (though we are girls :) )
I regret . not only because i didnt put
in enough effort to bring u girls together for training.
but also because of losing.
i regretted losing to fajar the very moment
the match ended.
Cause i felt that i didnt lead the team well.
or good enough , to not tarnish the reputation of opss
To not throw the coach's face. To not make him
totally disappointed in us.
That's the reason why i wanted u girls to
continue with the bet we had with coach.
So much effort he put in to train us,
so much expectation.
Did u girls see?
His expression after every match?
Did u girls apprehend the reason
why he often flared at us and then
stopped doing it near the end of those matches?
He was disappointed..
utterly.
Did u girls know,
that he actually dotes on us more than the seniors?
he didn't treat us like how he treated the boys and
our seniors..
he gave us more patience , hoping
we would return his effort by playing
a ERROR FREE GAME.
Look at how badly coach scolded the guys
Look at how sad his expression was after today's match.
I felt that he so Almost cried with some of us.
somehow, i feel that he is like another father to me.
seriously speaking, i HATE to disappoint pple.
okay i shouldnt blabber further ..
I don't like the weak side of me..
hahas
i will become strong de:)
i am proud that i didnt cry today.
though tears did swelled up in my eyes.
I didnt let it fall :)
--End --
Let us all pick ourselves together
and start making things better :)